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strawberricandle
Sandcastle Soul
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

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Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: lonely   Mon Jun 08, 2009 12:29 am

Hi Gals,
I hope you don't mind my writing a little about how Ive been feeling for about a week now. I am extremely lonely. Im tired of doing everything by myself. I have no friends, except here, and as you know my family all lives away from me. I can't see my grandkids everyday. I need to do something to end this lonliness, but Im not sure what. You can only make so many candles and soaps that no one is going to buy. The business end of things are the pits, and Im closing my shoppe soon. It's not worth the effort. I may re open when I feel better, but for right now I need to do what feels right for me right now. And I need to find friends or even A friend. But, I don't know how to do this right now. I know I can go to the grief counseling sessions they have once a week, and perhaps meet someone there. Ive been putting it off, and I don't know why. I guess Im scared a little. Scared to put myself out there and maybe get hurt. But, if I continue down this path, Im going to go mad from lonliness.

Thank God I have the cats, they give me a sense of having to take care of something. I need to be there for them. The other thing I have to do besides lose weight, is to stop smoking. If I don't stop soon, Im going to be in trouble. I cough something awful. Ive got to find a way to stop, Im going to try the patches again, I was successful with those for awhile. I quit for 5 weeks. Then, I went right back to them when Mike got sick. There is also a stop smoking line you can call for help. I have that number on my refrigerator.

Im a general mess. Never got my seeds in, because the weather didn't cooperate. My stepson is suppose to be helping me clean up, but he's nowhere to be found. Im going to empty the garage if he doesn't get to it soon. I want to use the garage myself. I could make a fortune selling Mike's tools, but he left them to Matt, so I suppose I can't do that.

I lost my health insurance because they say I make too much money now. (I get widows benefits) so I have no health coverage til Jan. when open enrollment takes place at social security. Isn't that wonderful? I take meds, I hope they are still covered, because I can't pay for them. Im on a cholesterol medicine now because that was up. I just can't think of how things could get any worse for me. I shouldn't say that, because they probably could, and with my luck, will.

Well, thanks for listening. If I could stop the lonliness, I think I could handle most of the rest of it, but it's really bad.
Love ya all, Nancy~
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Krisi
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Posts : 642
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 39
Location : Mid New York

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: gender

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:21 pm

Well, we are all here for ya Nancy... You are more than welcome to stay here and chat until you are ready to go out into the community and do what you need to do. If it was possible we would all caravan up to see you... I am sure of it. However, It really isn't possible at this time. Maybe someday I will drive up that way though. Vermont is only about 2 hours East of me... Just need the time to do it now! LOL! Love ya girl!

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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:32 pm

thank you, Krisi, your such a doll, wouldn't we have fun if we ever got together? It would be such a blast if we could get everyone together in one location, but it's too hard we are all spread around the place. But, fun to think about.

My stepson showed up here this afternoon, and started picking up stuff for me. He got a good start, and he's coming back tomorrow before we have the big pick up on Wed. And then we have regular pickup on Thursday, so we should get rid of most of this crap. We started a scrap metal pile, and that should make me some money. I cannot believe the crap that Mike had saved. You name it, I have it. But, Matt made a good dent in it today, and we cleaned out the entire shed, and part of the garage and basement. Tomorrow we should finish up.

So, today I wasn't lonely or bored, but my back is now killing me! Getting out the heating pad!

hugs, Nancy~
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Krisi
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Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 39
Location : Mid New York

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creation: gender

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:49 pm

Hahaha... I hear that! My back is REALLY not happy...

We will need to see though... I would bet more of us will meet up than we would ever think! LOL!

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Karen A
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Location : New England

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woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: magic knowledge

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:20 am

It's a good feeling to see a dent being made, isn't it Nancy? It would be nice if we were all a little closer, but the pc makes a world of difference, doesn't it? Would a little greenhouse make it easier for you to start plants - at least you could get them started when the weather doesn't cooperate and you could get them in the ground when it does stop raining. Just a thought because I've been looking at a couple of small ones to put on my deck.
I hope you get to get through more of the things laying around - and good luck with the scrap metal pile - I bet it'll be a welcome stack by some local company! Good luck and I hope today is a good one for you.

x0x0x0
~k

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Abbigail
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Posts : 159
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 65
Location : western Ky

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:43 pm

Nancy I really hate to hear that you are going through this but I know where you are. I was there not to long ago. I know it takes time. Hugs to you my friend. I wish I was there with you. Brenda
Here is a little poem a friend sent me in an e-mail.

Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm
And safe from harm
For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's unusual
To Bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox
And each person who hits 'send'.

When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to GOD.Com


Amen
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strawberricandle
Sandcastle Soul
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:37 am

That was nice, Brenda, I appreciate your thinking of me. In the days following that post I made, I have been feeling a little better. Don't know if it's good therapy to just write stuff down and know that some people will relate. There is hardly anyone that hasn't been touched by the death of a loved one. I will always miss the Mike that I think about now...I hate to think of bad stuff. Im no longer mad at him for not taking care of himself. I guess Ive just resigned myself to the fact that this is it..it really happened and there is nothing I can do to change it. But, I can try and change myself and how I look at the world.

Im going down to visit my daughter and family next week and that always makes me feel good. The baby is crawling already!! And Brendan will be three in August!! Time is rushing fast, and I don't want to miss the good stuff.

hugs, Nancy~
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Sierasky
Now Your Family.
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Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 66
Location : New Jersey

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woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: magic knowledge

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:48 am

There you go Nancy! It's always better to look at the good things in life. Sometimes it just helps you get over the bad. Just know, we're all here for you and it will take time to get over your loss.

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Carol 'Sierasky'
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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

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Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:56 am

thank you, Carol...it's only been 5 months, I don't know why I think Im so wierd that Im not completely over it by now. Im the only one who is hard on me, I think it's time I gave myself a break. And just feel what I feel and let it be at that! Hope that makes sense...

hugs, Nancy~
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Abbigail
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Posts : 159
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 65
Location : western Ky

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:34 am

Nancy, that's great that you are going to visit with the kids. That will help you a lot. I just got back from visiting mine last week and I'm ready to go back to play with little Mackenzie already! Don't be so harsh on yourself. A big part of who you were is gone now and it will take time to figure out who you are now. I was just thinking of driving the 1500 miles up to see you just to give you a big hug in person. When are you leaving?
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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:42 am

I will be leaving either Sunday or Monday and then I come home either Thursday or Friday. Depends on if I can find someone to look in on the kitties or not. Usually, I can get my stepson to drop over at least once, but sometimes he says he will do it and then he doesn't show up. I hate leaving them but once I come home they are fine...they are all over me for awhile and then they forget. And they have each other to keep company and tear the place apart...like my tablecloth is always on the floor, and cat litter is kicked out of the box into the hallway, just stuff like that. They don't do any real damage, just pick up kind of stuff. They are both wonderful kitties, Ive been so lucky in that area. They don't shred furniture or anything, they don't sharpen their nails on my furniture, just on the old throw rugs I have that I don't care about, that's why I leave them there.

hugs, Nancy~
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Abbigail
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Posts : 159
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 65
Location : western Ky

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:52 am

My daughter in law has a cat that likes to stretch and pull on the carpet. She has pulled out a few pieces of the fibre but nothing major. She's very old and probably won't be here much longer. I think she's around 18 years old. I don't know how old cats usually live. They just put out a lot of food and water and she's good for awhile too. She sure fusses at them when they get back though!

I hope you have a good visit with the kids. I bet they love for you to come to visit. How old is the baby? Mackenzie is 4 1/2 months now.
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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

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Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:02 am

The baby is almost 8 months old now. Time is certainly flying. 18 years old is old for a cat, my last two cats died at 14 and 15 both of kidney failure. These two I have now were strays that adopted me. One I got from the vets office, what a mess he was, a real Tom cat, so I had him fixed right away. Now, he still goes out but doesn't get in anymore fights. The other one just came walking out of the woods and came and sat on my lap and I was hooked. Never saw anything so skinny. The poor thing, but he has fattened up just nicely on Fancy Feast. He was already fixed, so we figure someone just left him in the woods. And he is the nicest cat, I can't imagine anyone doing something so cruel. But their loss is my gain, so that's how I look at it.

hugs, Nancy~
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Tulip2
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PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:40 pm

Hi Nancy,
Hey girlfriend stop expecting to get over the feelings you are having right now...you will never stop these feelings BUT...in time you will be able to deal with them better. The pain will be less and less as time goes on and all the good memories will replace the bad ones.
Just know that your in my thoughts and prayers and that I and everyone else on this site are here for you always.
Enjoy the kids OK,and know that your loved.
((((HUGS)))))
Mickey
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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Mon Jun 15, 2009 2:52 pm

Ohhhh...thanks, Mickey! All the gals on this site are amazing and have been my strength.
And I will enjoy the kids, I always do. They make me whole again and I find myself laughing and smiling again.

love & hugs, Nancy~
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Krisi
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Age : 39
Location : Mid New York

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creation: gender

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sat Jun 20, 2009 3:39 pm

I hope you are able to smile more and more every day!

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Tulip2
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PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sat Jun 20, 2009 3:49 pm

Thinking of you Nancy and praying your doing OK.
(((((HUGS))))
Mickey
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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sat Jun 20, 2009 4:26 pm

Thank you, girls. I feel better cuz Im going down my daughters tomorrow and on Mon and Tues I get to babysit my grandsons. First time since baby started crawling, should be a blast! I won't be bored, that's for sure! But, I love it.

hugs, Nancy~
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Krisi
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Posts : 642
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Age : 39
Location : Mid New York

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woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: gender

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sat Jun 20, 2009 4:55 pm

Well, plus, you are never alone now girl. You have many spirit sisters here with you at all times now. As Does Mickey!

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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:55 pm

thank you, Krisi that means alot to me.

hugs, Nancy~
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Sierasky
Now Your Family.
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Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 66
Location : New Jersey

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woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: magic knowledge

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:41 am

Hey Nancy, I know this rotten weather we're having has got to be driving you nuts (I know it's doing it to me and I'm further south than you). Hopefully, Maine will have a summer this year (not like last summer) and in time you will find things to do and people to do them with. Luckily when it's rotten out I can go upstairs and sit at my sewing machine and do things. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby to occupy some of your time. Is there a local craft store that offers classes or the library or someplace in town? More things to check out!

Have a great time with those grandkids the next few days and come back home for a much needed rest! We'll be here waiting for you! hugs

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Carol 'Sierasky'
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strawberricandle
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

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woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:47 am

thank you, Carol I will have a ball with the kids. When I come home I was thinking about looking into volunteering at the not so local animal shelter. It's 25 miles away, in traffic will take about 45 minutes to get there. It's all back roads and I always get behind someone doing 20 mph...hehe...but it's something that I think I would like to do. I called about the foster grandparents program but you have to be 60. So, I have to wait a few years before I can do that. That's what I wanted to do. I will think of something. This sitting around has got to stop, I need something to keep me busy.

Hopefully, I will be able to use my daughters computer to check in and if not, I will chat with you all next weekend.

hugs, Nancy~
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Sierasky
Now Your Family.
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Posts : 1253
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 66
Location : New Jersey

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woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: magic knowledge

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:52 am

Ooh, maybe you can do the voluntering 1-2 days a week! That wouldn't be that bad. You'd still have days in between to garden and go see the grandkids. But it would get you out a day or two a week. Good thing to check into. Have a great time and will catch you when you get back.

Now watch when you go picking up those heavy little bundles of joy! Sometimes they weigh more than you think!!!

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Carol 'Sierasky'
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Abbigail
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PostSubject: Re: lonely   Sun Jun 21, 2009 11:22 am

Have a safe trip there and have tons of fun with the kids! We'll catch up when you get back.
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strawberricandle
Sandcastle Soul
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Posts : 390
Join date : 2009-04-29
Age : 67
Location : Maine

Character sheet
Game: 5
woodland nymph emerald: 5
creation: garden skill

PostSubject: Re: lonely   Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:13 pm

Hi All,
Im home from my daughters, my what a quick week it was! The rain kept Brendan inside and he was not really very good. And my daughter was ready to blow a gasket. He kept getting into mischief...and the baby is crawling and getting into everything (he esp likes the dog food) SO...it was not the best visit ever, but we tried to make the most of it.
We went shopping and to the mall and out to get ice cream.
I just got home today at noontime.

I love visiting the kids, tho. The baby is the happiest baby Ive ever seen, he is always smiling and laughing. And of course, Brendan had his cute times. She is trying to potty train him, and he is not cooperating!!! By the time this morning rolled around, it was time for me to go home. It hasn't rained today, but it was a hazy sunshine and we are suppose to have thundershowers tonight. But, at least I didn't have to drive in the rain.

My oldest daughter, Amy is divorcing her husband and may come up and live with me for awhile. I would like that. I don't think she will stay a long time, depending on if she can find work or not, but she would be here for a few weeks anyway, and it will be nice to have the company. We'll see how it goes. She gave her notice at work, so it will be a couple of weeks before she comes up, but that also gives me time to clean up the spare bedroom which has become a catch all room for everything that doesn't have a home somewhere else in the house. I think it would be good for me for her to be here, I just hope I don't depend on her being here, and then she leaves. I have to look at it more like she is coming to visit, and to get away from her problems for awhile. Then, I won't be upset if she does leave.

Anyway, that was my week. Now, Im home and it feels good right now. But, I know it will wear thin in no time. I think it needs to stop raining and everyone will feel better.

Love & hugs, Nancy~
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